Shed a little light
by Millipher Steerus
Summary: The world as you know it is in chaos. Death Eaters are on a killing spree, the ministry is corrupt and failing and you're constantly worried for your safety and the safety of those around you. At least you have the support of your close friends, the Order, oh and a seven month year old daughter. It will all turn out to be okay in the end, surely? AU


**Just so people don't get to confused- this fanfic is set in the first war before James and Lily died. Enjoy!**

It was the crying that woke him.

Not the wind outside, or the tree branches scratching at his window pane, nor the steady ticking of the clock next to him on his bedside table.

Remus Lupin sat up slowly, his eyes scanning his small but bland room. Had he mistaken the noise, had he been dreaming? The wind whistled past the house, causing his window to creak in protest.

The house was falling down. He was sure it was held up by magic alone. That and the wards protecting it.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at his clock and the glowing numbers. It was three in the morning. He'd only gotten back a few hours ago, and collapsed on his bed in exhaustion, fully clothed and on top of the bed sheets. He'd been out doing Order Work. He'd spent most of the night crouched down behind a shed, watching an old cemetery because it was a potential Death Eater hot spot. Funnily enough, nobody had shown up.

The wind howled again, the branches clattering against his window. That's when he heard it once more. A faint crying. He froze where he sat, had it just been a trick of the wind? It sounded like a tiny infant…

He got up off his bed, picking up his wand from his bedside table, muttering Lumos and lighting up his room. He stood at his window, glancing out into the darkness that was the back garden, but couldn't make anything out.

He decided to go downstairs to get a glass of water. He convinced himself it was the only reason, but he also wanted to decipher what the noise was. Hearing things wasn't good, even for Wizards. And he figured if there was a crying infant out there he should at least do something about it.

He crept quietly across the landing, avoiding the floorboards that creaked the most in order to not wake Sirius. Even though he knew he was a heavy sleeper. He passed his friends room, just making out light snores from under the door. A brief smile crossed his face. Sirius and James had had an argument the other day, Sirius claiming he'd never snored in his lifetime. Remus was sorely tempted to cast a recording charm.

He made his way down the stairs and turned off into the kitchen, switching the light on and walking over to the sink. He picked up a glass off the draining board and filled it with water. He was drinking from the glass when he heard it for the third time. This time it was more clear and distinct, and Remus nearly dropped the glass in his hands.

It was coming from the back door; a persistent crying that could only be associated with a very young child.

Remus put the glass back down on the counter and walked over to the back door, his wand clutched in his left hand.

A brief thought passed through his mind that this was some sort of Death Eater trick to make him leave the house.

The wind howled again and the crying intensified. Remus then thought that if it was some trick, he was dead, and unlocked the back door, pulling it towards him.

His heart froze as he stared down at the basket that had been abandoned on the back step of the old cottage. There was a small baby inside, crying and kicking furiously at the blankets that it had been swaddled in.

For a few seconds Remus just stared gob-smacked at the small infant left outside, not moving, or processing any coherent thoughts.

He knew who it was.

He never thought he'd ever get to meet them.

This was his child…

Remus snapped out of his reverie as the child gave another hopeless wail. He bent down, picking up the basket and taking the child inside, closing the door behind him with his foot.

The baby continued to sob and scream, wailing as if its life depended on it. Remus suddenly felt a sense of dread. How long had they been out there? He placed the basket down slowly on the kitchen table.

"Shush," he muttered, picking up the child, holding it against his shoulder and rocking it. They were cold, and Remus started to rub it's back in an attempt to warm them up faster. It took several minutes, but eventually the baby calmed down and quieted.

He looked down into the basket and saw several bits of paper and an envelope. Whilst holding the baby against his shoulder with one hand, he picked up the envelope, turning it over. It had his name scrawled across the front.

He removed all the bits of paper from the basket and glanced down at the child in his arms. They'd closed their eyes and appeared to be asleep, probably overcome with exhaustion. Remus slowly lowered the baby back into the basket. But once they'd left his arms they started up again, their arms flailing in the air and whimpering.

"Okay," Remus said, picking them up again and rubbing their back, calming them down.

He then looked down at the various pieces of paper and official looking documentation. He wasn't sure he liked where this was going. With one hand he removed the letter from the envelope and started to read.

_Remus,_

_I just can't do it anymore. I can't even look at her._

_I now feel like I should have never gone through with the pregnancy. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. At saint Mungos they called it postnatal depression. But I don't think it's that. I think it's because you lied to me. You never said what you were. And I don't care if it was just a one-night stand. It's your entire fault that this thing is here. _

_Do with it what you want. _

_I'm going underground, I fear it won't be long until the Death Eaters find me._

_Don't come looking for me, if you don't want it, get rid of it. I've left all the legal documents with you, you are its Father after all. _

_Goodbye,_

_K. _

Remus took a deep breath, his hand was shaking, along with the letter. He looked down at the baby with its head resting on his shoulder. Abandoned by it's own Mother, and now left with a Werewolf for a father. A Werewolf who was part of the Order of the Pheonix, fighting against Voldemort.

He couldn't just leave it though. It, he would have to stop referring to her like that, even if it was only in his head. He picked up the other pieces of paper and unfolded them. It was her birth certificate. In big writing across the top it stated her name, Kamilla Taylor.

"Kamilla," he said, looking down at the baby once more. "That's a very sophisticated name." He smiled. "Very pretty…" She had a tuft of blonde hair that was sticking up in an almost worthy of James Potter way. Remus gently smoothed it down with his free hand, flattening it. "It can be shortened to Millie, Kamilla. The daughter in Ulysses is called Millie, Millie Bloom. That's your Dad's favourite book, Ulysses, by James Joyce…"

He paused, he was really a Dad now, wasn't he? He had a small child to look after. To clothe and feed…was he even ready for this? He suddenly wished he could talk to his own mother. Ask her what to do…?

He took a deep breath and looked down at the letter once more. He remembered the last thing Kathy had ever said to him. It echoed around his head like a stuck record. "I Hate you! Me and this child are going as far away from you as possible! Don't you dare ever come looking for us, you animal….just stay away!"

He'd at least hoped she would never blame the child for what he was. It looked like that was not the case.

"I'll look after you," he said quietly. "I'll love you, because your Mother won't. And I'm sorry I did that…nothing was ever meant to come out of that night. It was just a party, and Sirius got me hammered…I never thought…" He stopped, staring down at Millie. He'd decided he'd call her that.

"This is probably the most honesty you'll ever get out of me about your Mother. I know I can be a closed book sometimes…and I don't know how I'll explain it to you when you're older. You might leave me as well…"

Was he slightly mad for talking to an infant child who couldn't understand a word he said?

He spoke to her quietly for several hours, telling her about his friends and his life. About the war that was currently ripping apart the Wizarding community. He told her about his family, and how they were all gone now, but how he knew his Mother would have loved to have met her. He told her about Hogwarts and the many secret entrances him and his friends had discovered when he was younger, and the many different adventures they'd had pulling pranks on teachers, and sneaking about the castle unnoticed under James' cloak.

He talked for so long that the sun soon started to rise, spreading pinky rays through the kitchen windows. It wasn't long until he heard footsteps up stairs, and knew that Sirius was awake.

He was coming down the stairs when he started his usual morning rant. "Worst night's sleep ever," he said. "Did you hear that wind Moony? It kept me up all night!" He walked past the kitchen, probably going to get the paper, like he usually did on a Sunday to have a crack at the crossword. "The wind was so bad, I thought the house might fall down at some point," he was headed back to the kitchen. "You didn't think that the wind sounded a bit like…" he trailed off slightly, staring at Remus and the child in his arms. "...like a crying baby…" he finished his sentence.

"No," Remus replied, somewhat awkwardly, "I think that was just the baby."

Sirius stared gob-smaked at his friend. "Where? What?"

"Kathy left her," Remus replied. He picked up the letter, holding it out to Sirius. Sirius entered the kitchen and took the letter off Remus. He started to read the tiny scrawl, which had obviously been written in a hurry.

Once Sirius had read the letter, he looked up at Remus, his mouth hanging open slightly. He sat down at the table. "She's left her with you…? I thought she didn't want you to ever go near your kid…"

"Apparently not," Remus replied.

"But how did she get in?" Sirius then asked, "the wards…?"

"She left Millie outside. I only came down because I heard crying."

"Shit," Sirius replied. "She was left out in that storm? Is she alright?"

"I…I guess so, she's stopped crying." Remus glanced down at his daughter. "I couldn't put her down without her starting up again."

"Do you think we should get someone to look at her anyway?" Sirius then asked. "We can't go to Mungo's, not without Death Eaters descending on us…do you think Lily would know anything about babies. I mean, she was training to be a nurse?"

"I guess so," Remus replied.

Sirius shook his head in disbelief, "wow," he said. "You're a Dad now Moony." He smiled at his friend.

Remus smiled back, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I know. Scary thought."

Sirius stood up, "You'll be fine," he clasped him on the shoulder. "I'll bet Lily will be jealous, you know how much she wants a kid." Sirius laughed slightly, walking over to the kettle and turning it on with a flick of his wand. "Tea?" He asked.

"Yeah, thanks Sirius."

"How old is she?" Sirius asked whilst removing two mugs from the cupboard.

"I'm not sure," Remus replied. It seemed somewhat ridiculous that he didn't even know the age of his daughter. He looked down at her birth certificate once more. "It says she was born July the 8th," he said. "Which makes her…seven months old."

"About half a year then," Sirius said, pouring hot water into the two mugs.

Remus nodded, "I'm going to have to get loads of stuff," he muttered. "Like a cot and things… she has nowhere to sleep at the moment." He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Don't worry Remus," Sirius said, handing him a mug. "It will all work out. If you ever need money or anything I'll be happy to help."

"I can't –"

"Don't say a word. You have an infant now, I can't let you both starve, can I?"

"You already pay most of the rent for this place," Remus said, somewhat dejectedly.

"And? I can afford it. I get paid properly if I get a job. People don't judge me for what I am. It's not your fault people treat you the way they do Moony."

Millie then made a funny gurgling noise, one of her tiny hands stretching out and fisting into Remus' jumper. Remus smiled. "I know, but I can't take all your money."

"I know you won't," Sirius replied.

Remus took a long drink of his tea.

"Well this has been a very surprising and eventful morning," Sirius said whilst stretching. "What's the next plan of action?"

"I guess, we go to James' place. Pay Lily a visit, in case Millie does have anything…"

Sirius nodded. "We'll go in a bit."

"I need to get up," Remus said. "I'm still wearing the same clothes I had on yesterday." He stood up, holding onto Millie carefully. "Can you watch her for a while?" He asked Sirius. "I won't be long."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Remus gently extracted his daughter's hand from his jumper and handed her over to Sirius.

"You can probably put her down," Remus added whilst watching Sirius hold his daughter rather awkwardly. "You can put her in the basket. We've been talking for ages and she hasn't even stirred, so I doubt she'll protest much to being put down."

Sirius nodded, "I think I'll do that," he replied, putting her back in the basket she'd arrived in. She didn't stir at all.

"I'll be quick." Remus said again, disappearing upstairs.

Fifteen minutes later he came back downstairs. His hair damp from the shower he'd just had.

"She didn't make a sound," said Sirius. "I thought babies were meant to be a nightmare?"

Remus shrugged, "I think they have their moments. They can't be that bad."

"I guess," Sirius replied. "Else we'd probably have stopped repopulating."

Remus walked into the kitchen and looked down at his fast asleep daughter and it hit him how colossal this all was once more. "I can't do this Padfoot," he muttered.

"Course you can," Sirius said, "I know it's probably shit timing to become a Dad, and I know it's not going to be easy with your furry little problem. But look at how darn cute looking she is. You can't not try for something like that."

A slight smile graced Remus' face. "it's not quite as black and white as that," he replied.

"So you want to give her up?"

"No, of course not. It's just…" he let the sentence hang. "Let's get to James' place yeah."

Sirius nodded, watching his friend closely. "Okay, well, we should probably take the floo. I know it's pretty risky, but considering we created the network, I doubt the Death Eaters will be able to intercept us. Cus there is one thing I know about babies, and that's that you never Dissaperate with them. Apparently it gives them two heads or something."

Remus laughed slightly. "I'll believe you on the no Dissaperating point, but perhaps not the two head theory."

"I think it's true, there was this old relative of mine…"

Remus let him ramble on, blocking out most of it as he picked up Millie, deciding to take a blanket for her from the basket and the note Kathy had left him. He slipped it into his pocket and left the kitchen, Sirius tailing him.

"…If you look real close you can just see a faint mark that looks like a second head on the family tree at Grimmauld place. But apparently they didn't want to put it in properly because it would dishonor the family or something, so they just left a splodge." Sirius smiled up at him.

"Fascinating," said Remus in a very bland voice. He handed the pot of floo powder to Sirius. He took a pinch and stood in the fireplace.

"There's no need to be sarcastic Lupin," he stated, throwing the powder down and saying the address.

Remus checked once more that his daughter was fast asleep and stepped into the floo. He didn't want her to wake up whilst traveling through the network and took a deep breath before throwing the powder down and stating James and Lily's address.

Remus landed suddenly in the front room of the house James and Lily had bought in Godric's hollow a couple of months back. Sirius was sat in an armchair opposite him, grinning, and James and Lily were stood in front of the sofa, both with looks of shock and confusion written on their faces.

"Is that…?" James started.

"A baby?" Lily concluded.

Sirius' grin grew, "points for observation." He said.

"Er…" Remus started, "this is my daughter," he said.

James and Lily both stared at the child in his arms. "Kathy," said Lily first. "But I thought she didn't want you to meet the child?"

"Neither did I," Remus replied. "she was just left outside the house."

"Poor thing," said Lily, a frown crossing her face.

Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter Kathy had left him. He handed it to Lily. "Kathy left this," he said.

Lily started to read it, with James skimming it over her shoulder.

"Oh my God," she said once she'd finished it. "Are you alright Remus?" She asked him, a deeply concerned look on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied. "I've just been landed with a small child, who I'm now responsible for, but I'm okay."

James ran a hand through his hair, subconsciously messing it up. It was a movement that he would be doing to his grave. "Man, that was highly unexpected. What have you called her?"

Remus glanced down at Millie once more, "Kathy named her Kamilla, which I thought was a nice name. I prefer the nickname Millie though."

Lily nodded, "Millie is a nice name. Can I hold her?"

"Sure." Remus passed the sleeping Millie over to Lily carefully.

Lily smiled as she looked down at the sleeping infant. "She looks like you Remus," she said.

"Really?" Remus replied.

Sirius and James both looked down at Millie. "I don't see it," Sirius said. James shook his head.

"Someone once told me that all baby's look like Winston Churchill or Professor Slughorn."

Lily shot James a disapproving look.

"I'm joking," he laughed.

"I'm going with Slughorn," Sirius whispered and James laughed some more.

"Is there something you want to tell us about you and Sluggy Remus?" Sirius asked.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, did I not mention we were in a really intimate relationship and we somehow managed to conceive a child, despite it defying the rules of basic biology?"

Sirius and James chose to ignore his sarcasm. "Remus! Why did you not tell us?" Sirius asked.

"I thought we were friends!" James added.

Remus shot them a look of world-weariness that he had mastered over the years of knowing them.

James clasped him on the back, "Nah," he said, "Slughorn aside, she's beautiful."

"Yeah mate, you're going to make a great father." Sirius added.

"At least somebody thinks so," Remus said.

"Remus you'll do fine," Lily said. She seemed to be absolutely besotted with the small girl in her arms. "We'll always be here to help you," she said. "With everything that's happening at the moment, this can only be a good sign."

**I know AU fanfics can sometimes be a bit confusing - but they are my favourite :D **

**If there are any questions please feel free to ask and if you would like me to continue or if you have any helpful ideas i'm open to all reviews :) **

**Millipher Steerus xxx**


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